When I was a little girl, I never imagined my wedding or my wedding cake, or my white dress, or saying “I do” to the man of my dreams. It was never a dream of mine to get married. But now at 31, I feel like something is wrong with me… only in the terms of how society perceives me since I am yet to do it… But more, I feel like something is wrong with society as more marriages than ever before end in divorce than in death, so be those sacred vows, and yet people still want to get married.
In the last three years that I have been involved in a relationship–a relationship where we still live apart though we are neighbors and spend every day together, where we don’t talk about marriage and the idea of having another kid for me is more of a financial hardship than I can even bear to imagine– three high school/college acquaintances have tied the knot.
The first acquaintance moved in with her guy within six months of dating–she was a single mother who had never been married before. By 8 months, they were engaged. A few months later, married. Now she is 7 months pregnant. Sounds lovely, but her husband has had a rough time finding work–even before they were married– and just recently, after finally getting a full time job, he was fired because allegedly he put some personal priorities over getting his work done. She is the primary financial supporter for the family. (I can’t imagine how maternity leave will be.)
The second acquaintance, who got married when she was 18 or 19, had two kids, then divorced a few years later, got hitched in the last year. She had known the guy since she was kid and ran in the same circles for decades. They finally connected on a more intimate level last year and decided to get married–as I recall, she said to him after dating for only a few months, Let’s spend the rest of our lives together. Now 6-8 months into their marriage, she comes to find out his so-called good friend, an elusive woman to her, was actually his ex-girlfriend and they had been texting some inappropriate messages for a married man. So… she kicked him out. Still torn about working out with him, she is in limbo. Also, the guy didn’t have a car or a full time job when they got married. She supported the family… He contributed just slightly.
The third acquaintance met a guy through her youtube channel. They dated for one month. Moved in together the next month. Then were engaged the following month. Three months later, as far as I recall, they sealed the deal at the courthouse. She moved back to California where they got married on the beach in a formal ceremony. While she once had a good job when she met him, she was laid off. He didn’t have a job. So they both moved to California with her family and still had no luck finding jobs. They both moved back to the East Coast with his family and supposedly found some low-wage, low-skill jobs. She spent all over her savings supporting the two of them. Now the kicker–she was 28 and he was 18, just out of high school and she was his first…
So maybe I have some colorful acquaintances. Maybe there is no ideal situation where two people should get married or perhaps, no one ever gets married, has kids or any of it for the right reasons or at the right time. As far as I can tell, there is NO reason to get married. And for that matter, having kids while struggling to pay the bills seems unfair to everyone–trust me, been there and still doing that. But yet, despite any practical notions about life, stability, success, even happiness, the idea of love, marriage and commitment seems to make the most rational person do some pretty crazy stuff well past the age of their youthful and crazy late teens and early 20s. But… with all that we know about heartache, divorce, child support court proceedings, so many are still willing to put it all on the line for…. What? Achieving some ideal societal standard that has proven to fail over and over? To make the loneliness go away?
I just don’t get it. And honestly, I am not sure I want to get it. Perhaps I am a hopeless cynic. Maybe I am a hardened soul. But maybe, I will eat my words and take the blue pill (unlike Neo), get married and have a baby while my partner still has no job. …
I can think of as few rational reasons. I think there are tax breaks and legal reasons why one may want to get married. especially for children, but I am not sure about that.
I would also say if one partner had a job with benefits, and the other did not, that may be a reason. Which makes one wonder if you can “Charitably” marry someone who needs health care. Wonder if that’s legal?
Cannot think of any other reason, other than if you have religious beliefs that coincide with said need for a ceremony for your deity.
Ohh yeah., Happy Festivas!